Well the last time I posted was June last year. I keep promising myself that I will post more often to this blog and then I don't. As well as it being a while since I posted to this blog it has also been a while since I was in a show. Don't get too excited, I'm not going to be in a show but I have been thinking about whether or not I'd LIKE to be in another show.
It started last year when I saw an advert for an amdram version of Funny Girl. A few years ago I had been up for cover Mrs Brice in the West End production which I did not get but I did get to the finals so I contemplated going for this amdram production to see if I could get the part. I decided against it. Then Phantom in the West End were scheduling auditions for the recast later this year and I contemplated auditioning for Carlotta again (although, can we talk about the playing age they specified: 30-45!) but decided against it. More about that later. Then today another local group were advertising their auditions for Company and I contemplated again and, again, decided against it.
Thing is, I honestly don't know if I want to do shows anymore but I feel like I should want to. People say I should go for stuff because they say I'm too good not to but I don't really believe them (not fishing, I promise) and I'm not at all sure that's what I'm meant to do anymore.
I thought long and hard about putting myself up for Carlotta again, I no longer have an agent to do this for me, but in the end I decided that the first audition I do after 8 years should not be for The Phantom of the Opera (unless it was an amdram version) so I didn't go for it. It wasn't just that I have not auditioned for anything in 8 years, I had performed at my choir's Christmas Cabaret in December and it had not gone as well as I had hoped it would. I was overwhelmed by "the fear" and I did not enjoy the experience in any way, shape or form. I wasn't terrible but I wasn't an acceptable level of good. This doesn't mean I'm never going to sing in public again. I was prepared and didn't forget the words, which was a miracle, but it stressed me out more than any performance has for a long, long time. Perhaps I am doing what I'm meant to do and this was the confirmation I needed.
As you may or not have gleaned from old Incompetent Soprano posts, I earn a living (just about) teaching singing and running choirs, and I love it. I really do. My choir, Songsations, is my absolute pride and joy right now. It is a female only choir and, somehow, I have managed to assemble a group of 50 women who blend beautifully and make the most fabulous sound. The other day I was listening to clips of other amateur choirs on Instagram and it was clear how much they were all enjoying singing together and hearing them made me even more proud of what my singers are achieving. Precision, clarity, good tuning, and pride. To be honest every other choir leader probably feels the same way about their choirs as I do about mine. However, the point of this is to say that I think I'm onto something with this choir leading lark and maybe this IS what I am meant to be doing with my life. My purpose if you will.
Perhaps I will perform in public again, perhaps I won't, time will tell, but I do know that I am starting to feel a little more content with my lot than I did 5 years ago. Perhaps it's time to add to my choir portfolio and start another. I don't think there can ever be enough female, musical theatre choirs out there so it's a no-brainer really. A few more hours in the day would be handy though if we are going to fit all these new choirs in!
